Good luck with the project Lauren. Not my kind of game at all, but it looks really well polished already, if your proto-Kickstarter page (Kickstarter proto-page? 🙂 ) is anything to go by. Hope you get lots of backers!

auryx

Good luck with the kickstarter.  Having done crowd funding myself I know how hard it is.

Before you start, make sure you have lots of updates ready in the tank. people like their updates and their media.

My thoughts on your page:

The opening line: The ambition for Inochi Project is to create an amazing online world with a rich 3D game experience for players aged 5+ years.

Comes off a little bland.  Everyone's games does that kind of stuff.  Nothing there is grabbing me by the throat and saying 'keep reading' .  Try and spice it up.  Make it a message as if you are talking straight to me.

Also I don't know about many other parents but I spent a lot of my youth in front of the computer and I don't want the same for my kids.  I want them out there living their lives in the sunshine so I wouldn't be wanting to look at any games for my five year old.  Ten year old, maybe, but my five year old is happy playing soccer and doing barbie-mermaid games.  This is all prob irrelevant to you but as a potential customer I thought you might like to know my position.

Don't sell yourself short.  Your first three lines are not really taking it seriously.  I don't mean 'no fun' but you are almost poking fun at yourself and the kickstarter experience.  Stand up for yourself.  Believe.  Of course people are going to keep reading because you are going to come up with a punchy first line.  So don't mock it.  Stay strong!

Also a video instead of just a picture up the top is much MUCH better.  Note I'm commenting as I read down the page so maybe you have this later on but even a movie starting with that still image and moving to an interview of yourself.  Something that moves always attracts people better than something static.  Evolution and genetics or whatever...

Love the pictures though.  They are very cute and have good detail.

I see you are really going for that 'conversational style'  If you want to go that route don't let me get in your way, that's your voice and you have to stick to your guns.  Is right at the beginning the place to be comparing yourself with others?  Maybe talk yourself up before talking about the competition?

Ok you do have a movie down below.  maybe stick that up the top?  You want people who click on the page to scroll down because they see cool things up the top.  If the cool stuff isn't at the top they won't scroll down and say 'ohh, there is the cool stuff'

The writing gets a lot more exciting once you actually start talking about your game.  I feel your passion, this is great stuff.  I think it should be at the top.  Get the people to keep reading.  Once they are hooked you can do the other stuff later.

Its good you have stretch goals in mind already with a snazzy graphic.  love it.

May I suggest a graphic to show where the money will actually be going?  What do you need it for? artists? programming? pizza and beer?

Now onto your reward pledge tiers.  You have a lot there and many have the same value.  Now you need a good spread.  A few real low ones to get people on, hoping that once impressed with updates they'll climb the ranks.  Also you need the real high ones in cas you have someone rich that really loves what you are doing.  I think the steps in size of tier are good but perhaps you have too many?  Maybe the ones that are on the same value should be altered slightly so that they are one above the other?  Think about whether all those tiers are needed.  The more there are that are similiar the more confusing it gets for Mr Bloggs to decide what to do.

Ok well I hope that helps.  I also wrote an article on my blog about my indiegogo experience.  There may be something there that helps too.  You can check it out at: http://andherethewheel.co.nz/2013/03/08/crowd-funding-looking-back-at-the-campaign/

Good luck with it, I hope you kick ass and take some names.

Thank you Auryx!

And Thargoid, wow! Thank you for taking the time to give us such great feedback. It is always very useful and we will take it all in to consideration! The main video will be the official Inochi Project trailer which will be up there before the project goes live, so keep in touch and take a look at that if it interests you 😀

As for the other suggestions, they are definitely worth considering so we shall look in to it!

Thank you!

Lauren

Hi everyone! Update on the post. We are now live!

Follow this link to see the trailer and play a demo!

Nice!